anything can happen IF you let it

I was at the doctor's office today (which I had to pay to park...very odd to me. I guess that is big city living). While I waited the two hours for my five minute visit, I picked up a lot of reading material. One of the things that I picked up was the September/October 2010 issue of PA: Positively Aware. It talked all about the Vienna International AIDS Conference in July. This is besides the point of what I am talking about. However, I had to give this little bit of background information so that what I write will make better sense.

I was greatly inspired by something I read written by Sue Saltmarsh:

"It seems to be an aspect of human nature that we hardly ever confront a problem head-on and solve it once and for all without setbacks, without trial and error, or 'if at first you don't succeed...' [...]

"So much of life in this world, at this time, seems fraught with seemingly no-win situations. People in Louisiana say they're angry with the Obama administration for 'not doing more' about the BP oil spill, but when a moratorium on deep water drilling is announced and the plan to make BP establish a fund to pay damages is achieved, they wail about the loss of jobs on oil rigs and the danger of losing BP's presence (and business) in the Gulf. For years, people have cried out for our soldiers to come home from Iraq and Afghanistan and yet, nothing but criticism is heard about the plan to start bringing them back next year. Every day it seems some new information comes out on the beneficial effects of eating organic food, yet the people who need it the most can't begin to afford to buy it. Legislators in states like California, New York, Massachusetts, and Illinois have resisted raising taxes to solve their huge budget crises and yet people rant against cuts to education, human services, and infrastructure--do they not understand that the extra $5 or $10 out of their paycheck is not so high a price to pay?

"And then there is the issue of profit motive in finding a cure. In this time when almost daily we hear about some Wall Street financier who got a bonus of millions while bilking his clients of their life savings; of a governor who worked eight hours a week while taking thousands in kickbacks; of a doctor who diluted cancer chemo drugs in order to sell them while patients died from not getting the correct dose, is it any wonder that there is a prevalent suspicion that even if a cure is discovered, it won't be made available because pharmaceutical companies, hospitals, and insurance companies are making too much profit with the current treatments that keep HIV a chronic condition, not to mention treatment for the related conditions or co-infections that often occur in the HIV-positive?

"Having worked in non-profit all my life, I just can't wrap my mind around how, exactly, any sane person could justify putting the acquisition of money before helping to improve or save lives [...]

"Each of us makes choices that affect our quality of life, our relationships, our finances, our health, our sanity. Too often those choices come down to the lesser of two or more evils. But in making them, we continue to go on, we hold out for a brighter day, some even dare to dream of the possibility of being able to choose from a multitude of 'goods.'

"And someday, somehow the oil will stop leaking, wars will end, clean and wholesome food will be available to everyone, the economy will truly recover, programs that help people will be strongly funded because our society knows it's right to do so, and there will be a cure for cancer, Alzheimer's, diabetes, and HIV. We just have to hang on.

"Breathe deep, live long."

For some reason, Sue Saltmarsh's words really ring true to me. Though her views might not coincide with others about the war or the BP problems that this country has faced, I do feel that she does make a true and poignant point: people can never be pleased. They are always looking for the next thing to gripe and moan about, or the next big amount of money that can be earned.

I would really hate to see the pharmaceutical companies and the like put the precedence of their own quarterly growth over the lives of human beings. No one's life is that invaluable. This instance reminds me of two specific things that I have seen.

1- Angels in America. The character played by Al Pacino. He is so greedy that though there are people who have been on the waiting list for years to get medicine, he is rich/powerful enough to bump himself to the top of the list and obtain treatment. In the end, he dies and has a vision of former convictees etc etc and has a whole scrooge like encounter. However, unlike his counterpart, he does not learn from his life lessons.

2- Spirit. Here is a homeless person that had been living at Cole (in reference to Flipping Out) since 1968. She dies one night due to dehydration. The police come, they take the body away, and all that remains is a candle and a flower provided by the beauty salon's owner. Jenni, Jeff's EA, makes a valid point by saying that no one soul is more important than the other. I strongly feel this to be true.

Wealth, fame or intelligence does not qualify someone to be at the top of the ranks, but it seems that in this inevitable society that we live in, class has to be measured somehow. Someone has to be in the third class to go down with the ship.

I have gotten off on a tangent...

The reason I was so inspired by this article in PA was that we as humans are scared of the future. We may have goals and plans years down the road, but we are scared to go out of our comfort zone. Define the word comfort? Is the familiar comfortable or is it the uncomfortable/the adventure that we thrive for? Is it the stability or the cageless freedom that we as creatures yearn for? In our minds it seems decisions are easy. If we have a partner to share life with, than we make decisions around them. If we have children, they come first. However, what if you are single and have many different paths ahead of you? Do you choose the smoothest course or do you take the leap of faith? Then comes the question, what is the smoothest course? Where do we go? What do we do? Who/what/when do we live for? These are all questions that I feel everyone asks themselves, but in reality, we are all too scared to answer truthfully.

The fact is, we cannot see the future. We can have our little premonitions or flow with fate or have faith in God (whichever you choose to believe), but where does one allow fear to take over? Are decisions based on need and want or does fear of regret motivate us to put in the back of our minds things that seem frivolous? Do we, as Mr. Darling, put our dreams away and every night, before we go to bed, open that drawer? Overtime, it gets harder and harder to close the drawer, but somehow, we always do. What is a dream? Are dreams reality or do they live in our own Neverland with the rest of the childhood fantasies? Do we follow our dreams or do we choose love/stability/familiarity/certainty?

"If you reach for the stars, all you get are the stars, but we found a whole new spin: if you reach for the heavens, you get the stars thrown in."

Here is the last thing that I want to ask you to do. If you know how to answer, please tell me:

Define the word happiness.

unexpected

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy.' They told me that I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life."

--John Lennon

What is the key to happiness? Is it love? Is it friendship? Is it family? Is it success? Is it doing what other people think you should do with your life?

I am currently in the midst of an interesting twist, as Lisa would say. Of course, the road you are on seems to be smooth, then there is a construction worker who has to go and jack things up. You have the option of continuing to drive down the bumpy road that you are on with the chance of ruining your car, or you have the option to turn down a different one and press re-route on your GPS. Your ultimate goal is happiness. Do you continue driving down the bumpy road that seems to be a direct line to the end? You cannot see if the road smooths out, or if it indeed does end up where you want it to go. There is also the option of taking an adventure and driving down a new road, one that has a lot of turns and detours to the end goal of happiness. Taking that road allows happiness to come to you because you have to make it for yourself.

There is a famous saying that I love. Gay Hintze (an elderly woman I knew very well) made it into a bookmark for me: You may be at a fork in the road but it is the forks in the road that make life interesting and lead us to new adventures. The journey is half the fun.

I really do feel that the journey is half the fun. It reminds me of To Wong Fu. Vida Boheme throws the map out of the window while they are trying to get to LA. On the way, they encounter things that they would never expect and touch the lives of a dinky little town. Yet, it is what they wanted in the end--the growth, the friendship and the happiness.

"So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble, to fail, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from the things that scare us the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for... Maybe you'll get more than you could ever have imagined... Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end... the journey is the destination."

--Chad Fiveash

Hues and Hughes

Here I am in Connecticut. Cheshire to be exact, and there is no cat here telling me confusing riddles that are hard to understand.

As I sit here and devour the eloquent, articulated ideas that Ayn Rand proclaims in her minimal words, I ponder many things that I have learned over the past few years and more importantly, the past few months.

A couple days past I saw the almost as ingeniously conceived movie Eat Pray Love. This is what has sparked my intriguing devotion to my thoughts.

"We cannot know what will be wrong or right in a selfless society, nor what we'll feel, nor in what manner. We must destroy the ego first. We must believe. Believe even if your mind objects. Don't think. Believe. Trust your heart, not your brain. Don't think. Feel. Believe."

This summer has been quite crazy. I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned a lot about friendship. I have learned a lot about relationships. I have learned a lot in general.

I have learned that I if I put my mind to it, I can do just about anything. I can pick up something very difficult that I would never think I could learn and become confident in myself.

I have learned that some people are crazy. They may seem sane on the outside, but the more one gets to know them, they turn hostile, untrustworthy and a lot of lies can be spread quickly.

I have learned that I need to not trust so easily. What I say to someone might not always stay in confidence. Things seem to always leak. Either that or you never know who is listening.

I have learned that someone you might think hates you, is jealous of you or rude may in fact be looking out for you and wanting to be a friend.

I have learned that moving forward with life may be difficult, but it is also the first stepping stone to creating a happy life. You can never look back with regret, but you can look back with fond memories.

I have learned people do truly care.

I have learned that some things are not worth leaving behind. They are worth holding on to and never letting go.

So come with me where dreams are born and time is never planned

When I was a little boy...I knew I could fly.

Not just believed it, but knew it to be true in the same way you know that you can breathe, until one day, when I confided I had this special power and the reply was, "Honey...you were probably just dreaming."

And just like that, I knew she was right.

So I spent the rest of my life with feet planted firmly on the ground growing up and doing grown up things and rising up, up, up and away from the enchanting moments that make up beginnings.

Until one day

I dreamed again that I could fly.

Soaring through the night sky feeling cool wind on my warm pink cheeks--that exhilarating feeling you get in the hollow of your belly when you dive, dive, dive then shoot straight back up to the stars as though you'll zoom right past the constellations and into infinity.............

See.

I think you know the feeling too.

And that's when I got to thinking, maybe it wasn't a dream at all.

But a memory.

A memory of a moment I knew to be true until someone told me it couldn't be so.

So listen...

Listen to the little one inside you not afraid to trust in that. Listen to the voice that whispers fantasy and reality can all be overlapped.

When you reach the age of not believing and breathing and leaving miracles behind, know that you can choose to excuse yourself of being grown up. You can decide not to hide but keep your eyes wide open to the possibilities.

Because when you believe in things, BELIEVE IT! All the way! Implicitly and unquestionably!

Extraordinary things can happen to us all!!


http://www.youtube.com/user/joanna71985#p/u/3/AdIMKNkoSy8

Serigraphs and pitchforks

I have really needed to catch up on a couple of my shows that I have missed this summer. One of them, surprisingly, brought a message to my mind at the perfect moment. It came from Andre Leon Talley on America's Next Top Model. Angelica asked Andre about how he got into the world of fashion. Yes, this seems like a frivolous path of life for people who do not spend hundreds of dollars on a wardrobe, but hear me out just for the purpose of this posting.

Andre said that he always wanted to work in the world of fashion--just a side note, he recieved his Masters in French at Boston University. He moved to New York as it seems that is where the arts are located. He was hired by Andy Warhol to be a quasi slave licking stamps, running errands and doing hard work for $50 a week. As most everyone knows, even back then, this is tuppence compared to a supportive salary. Andre lived in the YMCA with insect and human cockroaches alike until he had his break. He never gave up on his dream. He faught hard and was willing to make sacrifices no matter if his life was hell to fulfill his dream of working at Vogue.

I just sit here and ponder the strength that this story sends out. Yes, once again, it is about fashion, but how applicable is this to anyone's life?! I mean, for crying out loud, it has everything to do with my inner termoils as of yet. If you, as the reader, are one of the lucky ones that has a career path that slowly and stedily leads you into a nice, comfortable career, I congratulate you and say I am slightly jealous. However, isn't the journey half of the adventure? Yes, I am venturing out into a world of unknown hoping that I can make something with my life! Many people have faith in me, but sometimes it is hard to have faith in one's self. I must, as Indiana Jones does, take a deep breath, put my hand on my chest and take a step: trust that the invisible path to the other side will be beneath my feat guiding me to further destinations.

On another topic, I am always one that is careful with what I say as to try to not offend anyone. I care too much about what other people think of me that I allow their opinions to sway mine. I do have something to say though no matter what differing opinions are out there:

When the leaders of this country sat down and wrote the immortal words "all men are created equal," I do not think they invisioned a time where there would be such political turmoil over this topic. I have to state my mind. I am so grateful that people have opinions. They are important in the world. I love when people stand up for what they believe in. It makes me really happy when someone disagrees and stands up in a socially acceptable, sophisticated way. Over a year ago, I feel that both sides of politics have become hostile towards each other. No matter what your opinion is on certain bills, there is no reason to sacreligiously protest at holy landmarks or write nasty things about other parties involved. Campaigning is a great way to get messages across. Whether you are for gay marriage or not, please do not be hostile one with another! Having lived in Utah for four years, I have seen a great deal of dividing amongst neighbors. What happened to coexistance??
Another statement I might add--Have you seen the movie Too Wong Fu...? This is the way to get equality--by being genuine people that come and treat anyone, no matter who they are or where they come from, as important and decent people. I cannot stress enough about how much I agree with this concept. The best form of missionary work is service. The best form of kindness is service. I just feel that reaching into the hearts of other people is the best way to get across a message. LGBT are normal human beings who want what every other person in america wants: a nice career and a loving relationship. Marching naked down the streets or dressing like gawdy flamboyant fairies at the Magic Kingdom is giving the whole community a bad name. On the flip side, quoting Biblical texts and ignoring/treating differently/looking down upon certain people. If we are Christians, we should do as Christ does. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Remember, there are really only two commandments: Love God and Love thy neighbor. As I have loved you, love one another.


That is all


--Blake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DE5a80I8EU

"Should I choose the smoothest course/steady as a beating drum/[...]is all my dreaming at an end/or do you still wait for me dream giver/just around the river bend."

Utahrd

Who would ever think that I would miss Utah? As much I say I hate Utah to myself, I really miss its grandeur and its beauty. Also, I miss all my friends!! Oh jeez... I really want to go back.

Wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'

I do not even know where to start this blog post. I have really enjoyed my three months here in central Florida. It seems like I have created a whole new life down here...oh wait, I have. Even though the humid index is upwards of 112 a day (meaning where I work it is 122), I love the Florida climate. I still think that when I step outside at night it is going to be cold (as it was in UT). I open the door from my air conditioned apartment and step outside and it is warm! It really allows one to have a nice night.

I really enjoy my job. At first, it was a monotonous job, but I just have to get over the initial hump. Yes, Brazilian tour groups make me turn red in the face, but I really love making people smile and making them feel important even though they are just 1 in 28,000 that ride the ride in on day. Isn't that what Disney is all about? making memories? taking pictures is, making memories... I adore my coworkers and my managers. Overall, it has been a great experience and one that I do not want to end.

I love being able to go to the parks and watch the fireworks, or ride one ride or sit and eat some food. For me, it never gets tiring. I mean, who gets to celebrate their Birthday at Disney World? Well, I guess a lot (since there are thousands of Birthday pins seen in a given day), but still. I never have. It is really neat. My sister told me that I was finally going to get out of my Disney obsession by being here, but I think being here made my passion for the Disney company grow.

I have been playing in the cast member choir/orchestra. They put on a concert every year at EPCOT. The proceeds this year are going to Make a Wish Foundation. This years concert is Dream Our Dreams, which is all Disney music (to make sure you see the legit of it, last year was 70s year before movie scores... so I lucked out this year). It is really wicked sweet to be able to play the music that I adore and love. To see Alan Menken's hand or have "follow Ashley" written in the On the Record parts (fyi, I freaked out inside when I read that). It is just really cool that I get to play actual Disney music. I am a nerd that way though.

Graduate school is important. It has been weighing heavily on my mind for a long time. Ever since I have been here, I have wondered if I should stay with the Disney Company or if I should leave and go to graduate school. I feel that taking the leap of faith and going to graduate school may not be the easier/smoother course, but I will regret never having taken that chance. Disney will always be here for me. If I want to come back, I always can. If I never come back to work for them, I can always visit my home where I truly belong. I am for sure staying seasonal though, so I will work at least 40 hours a year ;). I feel that being here, I cannot make a rational decision and the best thing to do is to go home and visit my parents. Once there if I decide that graduate school is not the right decision, then I will for sure know because I will not be sucked into the black hole of despair. Good thing I have close friends. This is one thing I can be happy about.